I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
