you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
