Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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