Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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