Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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