I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
