it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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