Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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