I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
