So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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