There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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