I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
