U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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