she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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