New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
