wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
