I wish I could teleport
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
