dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
