Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
