Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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