If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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