Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
