would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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