Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
