I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
