He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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