I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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