Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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