you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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