Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
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As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Cover your peen. We're going out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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