I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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