I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
