Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
