His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
