We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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