you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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