Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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