Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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