I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
