I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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