wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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