i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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