How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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