Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
