First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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