i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
