I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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