I wannas sexs uuuuu
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
