I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My dick has a subreddit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
