I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
