she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
