We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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