i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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