That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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