Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
