Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
