So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
