peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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