I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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