So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
