I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
