That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
