I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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