DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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