i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
