last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
