I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
