I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
