Please, let me fuck your mom
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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