how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
