i'm lost and i look like a hooker
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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