YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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