I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
