Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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