I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
