Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
