Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
