oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
