Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
