Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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