I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
