i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
