I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
