I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
