im holly from the hills drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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