i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
