if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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